2011 has proved to be--in the world of Brooke--the year of the pregnant women. Four co-workers, two close friends, and three of my sisters have had children or are in the process of getting really fat as they grow their little lima beans.
I am not bitter because I am not fat. And I can drink lots of champagne cocktails, a result of which I have a massive hangover still at 2 p.m.
A sweet male friend sent me this link the other day in commiseration for all the pregnant women I'm surrounded by. He thought I'd appreciate the humor:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJRzBpFjJS8
I am saddened to report I did not appreciate the humor. The only issue I have with the pregnant women I know is that they can no longer drink with me. They all hate getting fat and don't like their floppy tits even when their husbands and boyfriends do and they think I'm funny when I ask them questions about the future of their vaginas, what long-term vagina plans they have.
The problem with this song, I think, is that it does not distinguish pregnant people from assholes. Some women are assholes and pregnancy may exacerbate that, sure. I am happy to report I don't know many of these women. If I do, I hide them from my Facebook feeds.
Any world problem can be solved with a little bit of humor. But Garfunkel & Oates don't seem to be having fun with pregnant women, therefore they are not funny.
If I sound earnest about all this it's because I'm hungover.
No really: it's because I'm not pregnant. WAH!
I'm going to buy a guitar and make myself feel whole again.
Then write a song about the shallowness and self-importance of others.
Later I will post it on youtube under the title Woody & Balls, because I like Woody Allen and balls.
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