Fuck it, I'm not doing it. In case you don't know what it is, it's National Novel Writing Month. A few minutes ago I wrote a blog that's super-ambitious, too ambitious for a Sunday evening with a test to write and papers to grade and a job to (temporarily) loathe, and it didn't come together properly and I'll have to think on it for the next two weeks. And then it still may not work out well. But, at least it's written. But damn, if it's written and nobody gets it (as they shouldn't), what the hell kind of a writer am I?
Just a few years ago I thought an imminent test was a big deal. If I missed a class I felt sick about it. Those days I didn't understand the word talent or consider what it would mean to lack for it. Now every day is vomitous, especially days like today, when I'm convinced I should never write another word a-fucking-gain.
So let me rant for a few minutes and state clearly why I will not be participating in NaNoWriMo this year or ever:
1) Ambitious writers piss me off. I'm talking to you, Stephen King, because who has the time to read your 40+ novels, and where is your poetry by the way, and fuck you for saying in your oh-so-well-written On Writing that it's impossible to be a writer and watch TV. Me and Chris Matthews and the Housewives of Atlanta say you can have the finger--the middle--for writing that so glibly (and, fine, eloquently).
2) I don't understand the concept, really, of NaNoWriMo, since I haven't bothered to explore the website because the Housewives of Atlanta reunion is so compelling.
3) Blogging takes enough time as does pouting about not having completed my first book yet.
4) My book, yes! Why don't I take this month to finish my book so I won't live in the University of Alabama land of composition forever!
5) Finishing my book requires a lot of work and after all I want to be a great teacher and inspirational and organizational, which means I'd better grade those papers soon.
6) The only person I've ever known to write a book in a month, when asked what authors she read to get inspired to write, said the most inspirational writer she's ever known was herself. If writing a book in a month means being anything like that asshole, screw it--I'm sans Nanowrimo.
After having composed this list quickly and easily I've decided that one goal I have is to post at least one blog every day this month. Even Meghan McCain can do that, and she gets paid for it.
A caveat, though: if I'm writing one blog per day that means they'll have to come quickly. Therefore I won't be able to revise and think thoughts through and will thus often be dumb. I hope readers are ready for this, and if they aren't, I hope November finds them very busy in other endeavors.
And if you're writing a book this month, fuck you and you aren't my friend.
Unless you are. And in that case, I'm sorry for the last three minutes of your life.
Oh, Brooke, you of all people shouldn't worry about some stupid book-writing month generated by a site constantly begging for money (OK, I'm worried about it, too, but you're better than that). If you can keep up this pace of beautifully thought-out blogs that inspire, create laughter and nostalgia and all those great emotions that people need to feel every single day, then who cares about some bogus deadline set by pompous asses who look to themselves to see perfection?
ReplyDelete