Okay, one a.m. is approaching and I'm thinking maybe I've taken on a lot more than I can handle with writing a blog per day. I've got lots of ideas and they're all labeled nicely on my yellow legal pad, but I don't have the time to make them coherent, well-thought-out, articulate, beautiful. If you haven't noticed, I've struggled even with the simple grammar editing in the past few entries because I just can't! Other work calls and I feel sick about it, but it has to be done (I'm literally sick--I drank half a bottle of Pepto and still I churn).
In my last meta-blog I wrote about the importance of having comments and certain complimentary boxes checked when I signed in. I meant that! Yet I don't see any checks (besides the ones I've marked myself--I can't believe I admitted that by the way--looo-ser).
Also, I'm not asking for anything complex, any analytical probing of what I've written. Admittedly a lot of these ideas are half-baked because, as I've said, I'm currently scattered to the academic winds and must spend lots of time elsewhere (do you sense a running theme here?). (Though of course, if you have time to engage with me--ever--please go for it.) Thing is, I see this as a two-fold project: I want to force myself to write every day and at the end of the month maybe use about a fifth of what I have for...something bigger. At this point I can't even imagine what that will be.
The other fold is that this blog format is sort of incidental. I could type these wannabe essays into Word, but I just like the way this looks and feels. But I can't forget that it is a blog, and has a readership, and has for a week gone unresponded to.
An idea: maybe you all can just schedule your lives around me (I'll send out your email addresses--c'mon, you guys can do this). One of you comments (or box-checks) on one blog (which, by the way, you never actually have to read...if you comment on one paragraph or line I'll be none the wiser, yet oh-so mollified), and then you won't have to worry about reading a thing for at least a week. There are seven of you! I believe! Hope, Change, Dream! All that crap!
What I'm saying is I need a cheerleader. I need a hero. I'm reading 17th century texts and grading student profiles and grading Renaissance tests and losing my goddamn mind.
So if your finger is itching to write something, just do it. Ashley, Amy, Courtney, Emilie, Greg, Gloria, Rosita--one of you for fuck's sakes.
(In a complete reversal of tone, I have to say something to all of you: thank you endlessly for the comments you've made in the past, either through this venue and through email. It means just everything, and I'm truly lucky to have you, and I'll never be as good as you. But these next eighteen days are going to be hell for me, and this is just a reminder that I need you. Tiny, struggling smiley face.)
If you care about me at all, you'll check the Interesting! box. Both the box and I will be so grateful. We'll never be alone in the world again.
P.S. The time is technically 1:05 a.m. and this is technically Thursday, so this may or may not be my official entry for the day. I'm telling you, I have dozens of potential entries coming out in no particular order, and I'm so excited at the prospect of having them done, but...I'm fucking tired! And I can't sleep! Too bad you're all such wonderful people but so far away that you can't get me any good drugs.
ReplyDeleteHey my dear--I have been reading and not commenting--bad me! I've also been busy with the end-of-the-semester BS. But I love you and I'm reading and I can't wait to talk about racism the next time we get together--I mean REALLY talk about it. I have some startling confessions that your blog from the other day prompted me to consider once again.
ReplyDeleteLike Courtney, I read you every day! In fact, while you're blogging once a day, I'm Brooke-ing once a day. Buggy Face is part of my complete breakfast.
ReplyDeleteAnd that last sentence is precisely why I never comment--because when I'm confronted with the beauty and originality of your thoughts--your DAILY fucking thoughts, for fuck's sake--I'm reduced to tears and cliches. Your writing is both inspiring and paralyzing.
It doesn't help that I almost never, ever write about anything but myself, while you manage in sweeping elegance to write about the world THROUGH yourself. In my whiny essays, I'm always the cheese that stands alone.
See what I mean? I love you, Brooke! Keep going for my sake!
BUGGY FACE RULES - It's my go to blog for the day. Do you want to know why? I like know I have smart friends - yes, I'm selfish sometimes like that. I've been preoccupied with the Saints of late, Brooke, but I feel inspired to comment more in the future. This marathon of yours is mind-boggling, and I'm amazed. Next time, whether your sick or not, we're going to party.
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I don't have any great apologies like the rest of your readership, I'm afraid. The sad truth, which I've written about in my blog (which I dedicated to you specifically) and to you directly, is that I was self-involved and depressed for the month of November and didn't read you. Not that it is much better, but I didn't read anyone else either. I do feel badly about it. I'm trying to catch up now and have been reading like ten entries or so a day.
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